Xin Ru Si Hui A Heart Reduced To Ashes
by serotonin
Summary: What if Max had been in love with Zack and Logan during Blah Blah Woof Woof? Would she have made the same choices? Would the ending be the same? *new chapter* Jondy finds herself on her own again *COMPLETE*
1. goodbye is so hard to say

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Prologue  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan during Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
"You're going to be okay, you know?" Logan asked.  
  
"Oh yeah. I'll be better than okay. It's the way I'm made. It's you I'm worried about." Max replied.  
  
"I'll miss you."  
  
"You could always ditch it all and go on the lam with me. Great way to visit exotic places and meet new people."  
  
"I'd just slow you down. Besides, you love Zack. I'd just get in the way of you two."  
  
"We aren't like that Logan. He's my brother that's all."  
  
"Whatever you say Max, I've seen the way he looks at you."  
  
"Are you trying to say."  
  
"Max stop it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right. Who knows? I have to go back. Someone has to watch out for the downtrodden. Blah, blah, woof, woof, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"Take care of yourself, and Zack."  
  
"You take care of yourself."  
  
"Goodbye Max" Logan called as he began to drive away.  
  
"Goodbye Logan," Max whispered to herself, staring after his car, wishing he didn't have to leave her.  
  
  
  
Please review. This is my very first Dark Angel fic and I hope that I'm not screwing it up. I know what I want to happen, I just can't express it all that well. Oh and the title Xin Ru Si Hui is Chinese (I think) and I borrowed it from our recent Biting Dog Theatre team's play. 


	2. not a sentimental lie?

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan during Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
Max sat at the window, staring out into the rain. 'God I hate it when it rains sometimes.' And now was one of those times. 'I shouldn't have let him go. I do love him. I just don't know how much. Maybe he was right and I do love Zack. But that doesn't mean that I don't love Logan. I just don't know who I should choose. I mean Zack knows everything about my past, because he's been there. He knows what I've been through because he was there by my side. But I've always thought of him as being my big brother. I just don't know what I feel for Zack. I love him, yes. But is it the kind of love Logan was talking about?  
  
'And Logan. He's been there through some of my worst seizures, he helped me bust out of jail. He is the one who helped me find Zack and Hannah. I have helped him in return. We are partners. I just want to know if we are more than that. I don't know what it is that I feel for Logan either. I'm just so confused.'  
  
Hearing Zack moving around in the kitchen, Max got up from the window and went to sit on the couch. She looked up at the doorway to see Zack just about to walk through it. He must have sensed that she was watching her because he looked up at her, and caught her eyes. For a moment she thought that she had seen something there, but when she looked again it was gone, replaced with that solid barrier that Zack always seemed to have up. She heard a clink and looked down at his hands. He carried a bottle of wine and two glasses.  
  
Walking over, Zack sat down opposite her and placed the bottle and glasses on the table between them.  
  
"I thought that you'd want to get moving. Bang over the border into Canada before dawn." Max commented  
  
"We've got a secure nights lodging's. Might as well take advantage of it."  
  
He replied as he poured the wine into the two glasses. Once finished, he picked one up and handed it to Max.  
  
Taking it off him, her fingers gently brushed against his, sending sparks up her arm. Startled, she looked up into his eyes once more. This time she could see so much more, and he didn't try to hide it. She could she hatred, fear, anger, even love in those eyes, and it scared her. She had never seen so many intense feelings in anyone's eyes, let alone Zack's. She looked away, frightened by what she had seen.  
  
"Here's to you finally doing the right thing and getting out of Seattle." He toasted.  
  
"Right."  
  
"I remember the morning of the escape getting into Cheyenne about 7:00 A.M. The streets were just starting to fill with people. Not soldiers or doctors just regular people on their way to work. It scared the hell out of me. As far as I was concerned, they were all the enemy and I was completely outnumbered."  
  
"I know how you feel." Max remembered her first morning all by herself in a large crowded marketplace. It had been horrifying.  
  
"I climbed onto the roof of an office building in downtown to lay low just as the sun was coming up. It was my first morning as a free man. The whole world looked different."  
  
"It was like it was in colour all of a sudden."  
  
"I know I've been hard on you, Max but I'm just trying to keep you safe."  
  
"I know."  
  
Then Zack reached over and swept a piece of hair of her face. About to take his hand away, Max reached up and grabbed it, holding it in her own hand. It felt so warm and safe, that she wanted to keep it there forever. Zack smiled at her, one of his rare, too quick for camera smiles. She wished he would smile more. Logan smiled all the time, but Logan was gone now, she might never see him again.  
  
Zack must have known some how that she was thinking of Logan, because he asked, "You're going to miss him aren't you?"  
  
"You think that's stupid."  
  
"No. A part of me want's the same things - friends.a place where I belong.someone to care about."  
  
Max's heart caught as she heard those words. He wanted someone to care about. Could that someone be her? She had to be certain.  
  
"I thought it was all a sentimental lie."  
  
"Even I have my moments of weakness."  
  
"Oh. Like what?"  
  
Lifting her hand up, he gently kissed the back of it, sending shivers up her spine. "Like you Maxie. I find myself thinking of you all the time. When I sleep, I dream about you. I just can't get you out of my head. And seeing you with Logan, that's just like being back at Manticore."  
  
"Really, Zack?"  
  
"Would I lie to you Maxie?"  
  
"No, but."  
  
"Look, don't worry about it baby sister. Just stay here for awhile. I'll be back soon." He dropped her hand, got up and began walking toward the door.  
  
"Where are you going Zack?" she asked, jumping up to stop him.  
  
"I said I'll be back soon Max. I want you to stay here, please. Do it for me?"  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Because I'm you're CO. More importantly because I am you're big brother. Please?" He begged.  
  
"Alright. But you better be back soon or I will kick your ass, you got that?'  
  
"Sure Maxie."  
  
Sorry for taking so long to post. I had it ready but couldn't get my Internet to work. Hope that you like it.  
  
Please review or else I won't know whether you want me to keep going, or if you absolutely hate it.  
  
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	3. thoughts go flying every which way

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter Two  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan during Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
Once Zack had left, Max went over to the window and sat down again, watching Zack as he walked down the road until he was just a speck against the horizon.  
  
'He loves me. He said that I was his 'moment of weakness'. He even dreams about me. Now that is scary. I don't know if I want to be dreamed about. But I guess Zack dreaming about me isn't all that bad. I guess. But he loves me. I guess that Logan was right. Zack loves me. I wonder how long I've been fooling myself that he was disappointed with me, or angry with me. He was just concerned about me because he loves me.  
  
'I wonder where we'll go now. I've always wanted to visit Alaska or maybe even Canada. I wonder if Zack would come with me and stay there. Maybe he will finally tell me where the others are. I can't wait to finally see Jondy again. Knowing Jondy she won't have changed much. I do hope Zack'll let me see them. Maybe we could have an X-5 reunion. Now that would be fun.'  
  
For a long time Max sat there staring out of the window, thinking of all the things she and Zack could do, and all of the things she had left behind. All the people she had left behind. Two hours after Zack had left; Max fell asleep on the windowsill, tears on her cheeks.  
  
Zack walked in the door, ten minutes later, calling out to Max.  
  
"Max. Max. Come on Maxie where are you, I've got a surprise for you here. Max?"  
  
Walking into the lounge room, Zack saw Max curled up on the windowsill, looking outside, not answering him, not even acknowledging that he was in the room.  
  
"Maxie?" he said softly.  
  
When she didn't answer, Zack walked over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. When she didn't answer again, he lent over her to look her in the eyes. 'She's asleep you idiot, why else wouldn't she answer you.' He mentally berated himself. Standing up again, he gently scoped her up in his arms and carried her over to the lounge, where he laid her down and then sat beside her. 'She mustn't have slept in ages for her to not wake up when I called her. I wonder why not.'  
  
Looking down, Zack gently brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes, and noticed the tear streaks that were still marking her beautiful face. 'What on earth has she been crying about?' he wondered as he gently wiped his thumb over her cheeks. She stirred, and he quickly pulled his hand away, afraid that he had disturbed her well needed sleep. Much to his relief, she didn't wake up.  
  
'She looks so beautiful when she sleeps. Then again, she looks beautiful all of the time. But I was so stupid thinking that she actually loves me. She's in love with Logan. Surprise, surprise. God I hate that man sometimes. All of the time. If only I had of found her earlier. Then I would have been able to get her out of Seattle straight away and she would have never had to be chased out of there. And she would never have meet Logan either. And now she's just going to be musing over him for weeks, months even years. I'm so stupid. I should have looked in Seattle sooner.  
  
'Where to now? I have no idea where Max would want to go. Maybe a trip to California or somewhere where it doesn't rain as much as it does in Seattle. Then she wouldn't have to fall asleep on the windowsill, after staring at the rain for god knows how long, thinking about Logan. Always thinking of Logan. Maybe if I took her to see one or two of the others. no we can't do that. Lyedecker has already got a lead on her, I can't risk the others as well. But it would make her happy, so. I'll think about it. It might not be that bad.'  
  
Getting up, Zack walked over to the window, trying to see what Max had been looking at. It had stopped raining, which meant that it should be a nice day tomorrow. 'A nice day to get out of here.' Zack thought.  
  
Looking back at Max, Zack sighed. He walked over to her and gently gave her a kiss on the cheek before he laid down on the other couch, to watch her until she woke up. Before long, he fell asleep, only to dream that he was drowning in Max's chocolate eyes.  
  
Hope you guys like it. It might be M/Z story, or it might be a M/L story. Or it could be neither. But whoever she chooses first might or might mot be the one that she is going to stay with. Just thought I'd warn all you Zack lovers out there that even if I do make it a M/L it might not stay that way. By the way, I'm a Zack fan too. I can't stand Logan. But that's not the point. Anyway please, please, please review. Thank you if you do. I have eleven reviews so far, and I feel proud. That's nearly more reviews in two chapters than I got for my other story of fourteen chapters. Thank you again for reviewing and keep up the good work. 


	4. why, dear god, is this happening to me?

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter Three  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan during Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
When Max woke up, she was surprised to see Zack asleep on the other couch. 'I don't think I've ever seen him sleep before. It's amazing. The amazing man called Zack. The guy that I love, who also loves me. I still can't believe that he loves me.'  
  
She got up and walked over to the window. It had stopped raining, how long ago she didn't know, but the important part was that it had stopped and hadn't started again. 'A wonderful day to begin my new life. But the first thing to do is make sure that Logan's ok. He didn't look to good last night when him and Zack were rescuing me. I hope that he's ok.'  
  
Walking over to Zack, she looked through all of his pockets, but there was nothing in any of them except some cash and a set of keys.  
  
"I wonder what the keys are for?" she quietly asked herself.  
  
Before she woke him up and asked him though, she had to find a phone so that she could ring Logan. At last she found a mobile in the kitchen, it must have been one that Zack had taken and left in there.  
  
She tried the penthouse first, not at all surprised when the answering machine cut in with the usual "You've reached the number you dialed," of Logan's. So instead she tried the mobile. He was probably out shopping or something. She hoped.  
  
"Hello." Bling answered after the first ring.  
  
"Bling? What are you doing with Logan's phone?" Max asked.  
  
"Hey, Max."  
  
"Is he all right? Can I talk to him?"  
  
"He can't talk right now."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
In the background, Max could hear a P.A. system calling "Dr. Marks to E.R."  
  
"Why are you at a hospital? Tell me." She demanded.  
  
"He's been having some problems lately. He collapsed this morning at home. They're operating on him now."  
  
"What hospital?"  
  
"Metro medical. Listen, max..."  
  
Without another word, Max put the phone down and walked out the door. She knew something had been wrong with Logan, but hadn't thought that it would be this bad. She had to go help him, no matter what Zack said about getting over the border into Canada. She had to help Logan. She loved Zack, but she also loved Logan in a way that Zack couldn't understand: a love that was shared between friends.  
  
She heard Zack come out behind her. He'd want to know where she was going of course. Sure enough she heard him ask that simple question.  
  
"Where you going?"  
  
So she told him the truth. It would hurt him, but she had to do it. "I'm going back.'  
  
"No way."  
  
"I need to be there for him."  
  
"The mission is to get you over the border and into safe territory."  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm changing the mission."  
  
"Don't be crazy. Lydecker's got the entire city looking for you."  
  
"Out of my way or I go through you. What's it going to be?"  
  
"You going to take me on? Huh, Maxie? Go ahead."  
  
He grabbed her by the collar of her coat, saying "Go ahead." He then pulled her into a headlock that would have killed anyone but an X-5  
  
"Get your head in the game, soldier." He commented before kicking her into the ground. Max leapt over him, and fought with him for a moment.  
  
"Think I'm not in the game?" was her only question before she proceeded to kick his a$$, fair and square, until he was the one on the ground, and she was the one who was walking away.  
  
"Think again Zack."  
  
"Okay. Do what you want but don't think you're going to make it back out of there. You're throwing away your freedom."  
  
"Consider it a moment of weakness." Was her only reply before she walked away from him for what could be the last time.  
  
By the time Max got to the hospital she had forgotten her fight with Zack and was only concentrating on one thing. Logan.  
  
She walked through the hospital until she found the room Logan was in. From outside she heard a doctor and a nurse talking.  
  
"Blood pressure's still dropping." Commented the nurse.  
  
"Give him ten of morphine. Keep him comfortable." That doctor had to be Sam Carr, the one Logan had talked about. She entered the room, and he turned around.  
  
"I'm sorry, you can't be in here."  
  
"Is he dying?" she asked.  
  
"We can't discuss that right here."  
  
"Just tell me. Is he dying?"  
  
"He's lost a lot of blood. He won't make it without a transfusion."  
  
"So transfuse him."  
  
"It's not that simple. The blood banks are tapped out. Logan is ab- negative. It's the hardest type to find. I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do."  
  
Over the P.A they heard "Paging Dr. Carr. Dr. Carr, please."  
  
"Why don't you take a minute?" he suggested before leaving the room.  
  
"I'll be right outside." Was all the nurse said before she too left."  
  
"Lucky for you" she said to Logan while taking off her jacket and hooking up the tubes to transfer blood. "I'm a universal donor. People at Manticore figured it'd be handy if their genetically enhanced killing machines could swap blood in a pinch. If you die on me, I'll kick your ass."  
  
Closing her eyes, Max laid her head down on Logan's chest while the blood transfusion kept going.  
  
She was in a prom-style room, and could hear Sibelius' "Valse Triste" playing in the background. She looked down to see herself wearing a gorgeous white gown. Logan was in his wheelchair, wearing a suit. So she asked him to dance.  
  
"Dance with me."  
  
"I can't." was his reply.  
  
"Sure, you can. Mind over matter."  
  
"See, my problem is I can't walk."  
  
"I'm not asking you to walk. Just dance."  
  
He got up from his wheel chair and they began to dance slowly, looking into each others eyes the whole time.  
  
"Whose dream is this, anyway... Yours or mine?" he asked politely.  
  
"Don't ask me."  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm just a little dizzy."  
  
"Do you want to stop?"  
  
"No. Don't let go."  
  
"I won't."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"I promise."  
  
"Logan..." she began, but the dream had ended.  
  
"Don't leave me." She mumbled.  
  
A security guy points a guy to the back of Max's head. There are also several other guards in the room.  
  
"Going to need you to stand up very slowly and put your hands in the air." The security guy ordered.  
  
"What the hell's going on here?" asked Dr Carr, before he saw what Max had been doing, and took the needle out of her. "Oh, my God. What are you doing?"  
  
"Did it work?" Max asked as the security began pulling Max away.  
  
"Blood pressure is 110/90." Reported the nurse.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Did it work? Did it work?!" yelled Max before the security guy took her out.  
  
Ok. Let me get this straight. This is not going to be a Logan/Max story. That does not automatically mean that it is a M/Z story although it could be. You just have to put up with my crappy writing until the end to fin out what happens. Ok? Please review for me or else I won't know whether to keep going or not. 


	5. big brother to the rescue...again

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter Four  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan at the time of Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
~~  
  
Zack paced the small room, occasionally stopping to punch the wall, or kick a couch. It didn't help to stop the feelings that were overwhelming him at the minute.  
  
"How could I have been so stupid?" he yelled at himself. "I should have gotten her out of here last night! I shouldn't have let her leave! I'm a failure. I'm unfit to be their CO. I should have taken her away sooner!"  
  
He stopped talking to himself for a minute, and went to look out of the window. It was raining again. 'God I hate this rain. It's so mind numbing. I can't even think one single thought that I want to think while it is raining. Not to mention the fact that Max spent half her time brooding in front of this very window. And then she fell asleep. I was so stupid not to just take her then and leave. I mean I had the car and everything.'  
  
Before he could get any further, he heard the mobile phone that he owned ring. 'But I didn't think anyone had think anyone had this number except.Logan. What the hell does Logan want!'  
  
He picked up the phone, and answered it. It was Logan's friend.  
  
"Look Zack, I need a favor off you. It's about Max." Bling said.  
  
"Max. What's she done now?"  
  
"She went to the hospital to try and save Logan, and the police have taken her in. I thought that the whole idea was to get her and you out of Seattle."  
  
"It was the idea, but she had to go and wreck it. She thought that Logan was in danger and so she had to go rescue him. It's her own fault you know."  
  
"I know. But Logan thought that Lydecker might be behind this."  
  
"Lydecker?"  
  
"Yes, Lydecker. That's why he wanted her to get out so quickly. Zack? Zack are you there? Hello?"  
  
'So Lydecker was behind this after all. I have to get her out of there. But Logan's friend didn't say where she was being held. Only that she was being held. I can't believe that I let this happen. I have to go and get her out of this. I don't care what I said before, I. I love her and I have to save her. Big brother to the rescue.'  
  
With that Zack grabbed his jacket and the mobile phone, and ran outside. He ran around to the other side of the cottage where he had left the van that he had 'borrowed'. He jumped in the driver's side, and started the ignition. But before he started to drive away, he remembered something. He picked up the phone, and dialed a number that he knew as well as his own barcode.  
  
"You'd better be home, come on pick up. Pick the God damned phone up will you." Zack continued to swear into the phone for another couple of seconds before someone on the other end picked up.  
  
~~  
  
The end. For the minute anyway. I decided to write this now even though I can't post it for a couple of days cause fanfiction is down and I can't get on. It's so annoying. I can't believe that they would do this to me. Actually I understand why they did it, but I'm still pissed off cause I have written two chapters in like three days and I can't post one of them. And you guys can't read them. It's just not fair. Anyway, please review.  
  
Please?  
  
PLEASE???????????????? 


	6. pain fills my heart with sadness

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter Five  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan at the time of Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
Max stood in the jail cell that contained many other women. These women all looked, in some small way, like her. She was bored and tired. 'I hope that Logan's ok. There could be nothing worse than losing Logan.'  
  
Lydecker walked into the Police Office, and looked around for the man he had been talking to on the phone.  
  
"What do you got?" he asked when he had found him.  
  
"We got your killer." Replied the captain.  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"He's in a holding cell."  
  
"Must be a mistake."  
  
"It's no mistake. He gave us details from the crime scene and he produced the murder weapon."  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"This way. Call off the 10-07 on the girl."  
  
Max had been waiting in the cell for what seemed like hours when an officer came and opened up the door, ushering all of the women out.  
  
"Okay, let's go. Everybody out." He ordered.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Max.  
  
"Perp confessed. You're free to go. Let's go."  
  
Max stood outside the police office, looking. She didn't know what she was looking for, but she knew that it was important. Then she saw it. Him. Zack. He was handcuffed, and walked in-between two police men. 'My Zack. He must be the reason that all of us girls have been let go. He had sacrificed himself for me. He had always said that he would rather die than go back to Manticore. But he gave himself up to Manticore so that his baby sister could go free. He did it so that I could have a life. And what did I do to him. I walked out on the man I love, for the man that I like. What better repayment than that.'  
  
Detective Sung walked up beside her, and saw that she was watching Zack. He grabbed her arm in an attempt to shake her out of the daze that she appeared to be in.  
  
"Just go."  
  
That was all he said, and with those words in her heart, Max walked away from the police station, and back to her home.  
  
By the time she had reached her place, tears had been streaming down her cheeks for a long time. 'I can't believe that I've lost him. He shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have let him.' But deep down inside, Max knew that if she had tried to stop Zack, he wouldn't have let her.  
  
She slowly let herself into her home, and closed the door behind her. When she turned around, she saw Original Cindy on the couch, crying into a pillow.  
  
Original Cindy looked up, and saw the tears on Max's face.  
  
"You heard then?"  
  
"Heard what Cindy?"  
  
"Bout Logan. That's why you're crying right?"  
  
"No. What happened? Cindy please tell me! What happened?"  
  
"I don't know if I should be the one telling you."  
  
"You have to, please. Did something happen to him after I gave him blood?"  
  
"You gave him blood?"  
  
"Please, just tell me."  
  
"Max, I'm sorry, but... Logan had a post-surgery problem. I don't know what the problem was but..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He... He died."  
  
"He... No this can't be happening. Please tell me that this is all a joke. Please, Original Cindy, please?"  
  
"I'm sorry Max. It's true."  
  
"I have to go. I have to do something. I don't know what, but I'm going to do something. I'll be careful."  
  
"Alright boo."  
  
Max got her Ninja, and walked out of the door.  
  
~~  
  
Ok. Please don't kill me for killing Logan. But I needed to do it for the next bits to make sense. Anyway, there will be more soon, but I'm also working on another story at the minute. I spose that I should finish this first though huh?  
  
Please review?  
  
Please???????????? 


	7. maybe... if i dreamed it enough, it woul...

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter Six  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan at the time of Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
Max rode. For more than three hours she just rode. She wasn't going anywhere really, just riding around. When she finally thought about it though, she knew where she would end up. The Space Needle. It was where she always went to think about things.  
  
When she got there, she hid her bike in the bushes at the bottom. She climbed up and sat down. From up there, everything seemed so small and insignificant.  
  
'I loved him. I still love him. And he got killed for me. Or worse, he got taken back to Manticore. And I was the one who made him do it. I can't believe that I made him go back there. I am the one who is responsible for his, and Logan's death. There is nothing else for me to do.'  
  
With that thought in her mind, Max got up and walked over to the edge of the space needle. She looked around at all the people who were walking down the desecrated streets. She looked once more at the moon that was half way across the sky, and wished her last wish.  
  
"I wish you were here with me now big brother."  
  
She lifted one foot, and was just about to jump off the edge, when a slim arm snaked around her waist.  
  
"I wouldn't try that if I were you," a familiar voice whispered in her ear, "You might hurt yourself."  
  
The person gently drew her back from the edge, and then spun her around, and gave her a hug.  
  
"Jondy!"  
  
"Max."  
  
"What... What are you doing here?"  
  
"I didn't know myself until you showed up and started throwing yourself of the edge."  
  
"I... I killed them. I can't stand to live anymore, knowing that I was the one who killed them."  
  
"Who, Max?"  
  
"Zack, and Logan. I as good as killed them both."  
  
"Zack's dead."  
  
"Zack's captured."  
  
"But, then he could still be alive, and we can get him out. Can't we Maxie?"  
  
"I don't know Jondy. He told me that he would rather die than go back there. And he sacrificed himself for me."  
  
"He what?"  
  
"He offered himself instead of me."  
  
"Look, let's sit down and you can tell me the whole story, in order."  
  
Max and Jondy sat down, and Max told her the whole story, from when she had first found the piece of paper with her face and a reward for her capture on it, to when she had gotten out of the police station and seen Zack being lead away. When she started telling Jondy about Logan though, her voice caught in her throat, and tears welled up in her eyes.  
  
"What's wrong baby sister?"  
  
"I... I came home, and O.C. was sitting on the couch, crying into a pillow. And she told me that..."  
  
"That what Maxie? Come on baby sister, you can tell me." Jondy put an arm around Max shoulders, and let her baby sister cry for a minute before she tried to make her talk again.  
  
"She said that... That Logan had had a post surgery problem. And that he was... he was dead."  
  
Max put her face on Jondy's shoulder and cried, while Jondy gently stroked Max's hair. Jondy could fell the tears beginning to well in her own eyes. She did not know Logan, but it was wrong for her baby sister to have suffered so much in just one day. She didn't like the fact that Zack was captured either, but for Max to lose her other love as well? That was not a good thing.  
  
When Max stopped crying, Jondy lead her down to the bottom of the Space Needle, and pulled out a black Ninja.  
  
"Here baby sister, I'll drive you home."  
  
"No, I'm fine Jondy," Max said as she pulled out her own black Ninja, "I've got my own baby."  
  
When Jondy saw Max's bike, she laughed. She didn't mean to, but it just happened.  
  
"What's so funny Jon?"  
  
"Just you and me Maxie, just you and me. We're so alike aren't we?"  
  
"I guess so."  
  
They both hoped on their bikes, and Max led the way back to her apartment.  
  
~~  
  
There you go, yet another of my so boring chapters done. Hope that you like it. The next chapter should be longer, but there will only be two or three more chapters to go. Please review. 


	8. out of the ashes of old a phoenix is reb...

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan during Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
Max and Jondy rode home, not racing, but riding slowly and taking in all of the sites. They reached Max's place, and took the bikes upstairs. It wasn't until they had reached Max's apartment that Max realised she still didn't know why Jondy was here. When they got inside, Max told Jondy to sit down, while she made some coffee.  
  
With the two cups of post-pulse coffee in her hands, Max walked back into the lounge room, and sat down on the couch next to Jondy.  
  
"Not that I'm not happy to see you again Jondy," began Max, "But why are you here? I didn't think that anyone knew where I was except Zack."  
  
"You're right, Zack was the only one who knew where you were. But yesterday he gave me a call. He just told me that there was trouble in Seattle and he wouldn't be able to get there in time. He said to go to the Space Needle and wait there. That was it. He didn't say why, or for how long I had to wait, just to wait there. And then when I saw you riding up, I was excited. I would finally get to see my baby sister again. But I couldn't just jump out of the shadows or anything. Zack hadn't told me what to do. So I just waited, watching you. Then when you were about to jump, I figured that this was the trouble Zack was talking about. I couldn't let my baby sister jump. Not while I was there. So I stopped you."  
  
"I'm sorry, Jondy. I don't mean to be a hassle. I didn't mean to make you come here just to stop me killing myself."  
  
"You aren't a hassle Maxie. I have been looking for ten years, trying to find my baby sister, who I left behind. I didn't even know if you made it out in the end. Zack never said anything about you. He never even mentioned that you were alive."  
  
"He didn't?"  
  
"He wouldn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me where any of the others were, but he at least told me that they were alive. So I kept looking, searching for you, not knowing if I'd ever find you."  
  
"I tried to find you too. Zack never told me anything, so I didn't have much to go on. He didn't even tell me who was out and alive."  
  
"The closest he ever got to talking about you, was to tell me that I could go anywhere I liked except one place. Seattle. I didn't know why, but now I think I know. It's because you're here. But why wouldn't he let me see you? I've seen Krit and Brin."  
  
"Because I risk tactical exposure just by being here, and if any of you were to come near here then I would get you caught. Just like Zack."  
  
"No, not like Zack. Zack sacrificed himself because he loves you and you love him. He wanted you to have a normal life. A better life. One that didn't include going back to Manticore."  
  
"I know that he loves me, but he didn't have to do what he did."  
  
"Yes he did. You know Zack. He would not have been able to live with the fact that he had sent the one he loves back to the very place we're all trying to get away from."  
  
"I know. I just..."  
  
"You love him."  
  
"Yes. I do."  
  
"And you wish that he was here right now."  
  
"Yes. I do."  
  
"But that's not going to happen baby sister. Much as I hate to say that, it's true. For the minute any way. Zack won't stay in Manticore for long, you know that. He couldn't. He'll find some way to get out of there and back here to you. What you need to do is get on with your life, and wait for him to get out, and come back to you."  
  
"I guess you're right Jondy. I also guess that this means that I have to go back to work."  
  
"Yes it does. I'll come with you."  
  
"You don't have to do that Jondy."  
  
"I don't have to but I want to. I don't want to let you out of my sight for the minute. I want to make up for those ten years that we spent looking for each other, but not finding anything."  
  
"Alright then. But be warned, Normal's an ass."  
  
"What?"  
  
"My boss Normal. He's an ass."  
  
"Alright. So we'll show him what X-5's are made of."  
  
"No way sister. I need this job."  
  
"Fine Maxie, you can't have any fun. But that doesn't mean that I can't have some fun. And I promise not to get you fired."  
  
"What are you going to do Jondy?"  
  
"I don't know yet. I'm still thinking."  
  
"Well let's go then ok?"  
  
"Sure Maxie."  
  
When they got to Jam Pony, Max put her bike down in the locker area. Normal saw her and walked over.  
  
"Well, well, well look who decided to come in today." He remarked  
  
"Don't bust my chops, Normal or I might snap and kill again."  
  
With that she walked over to where Jondy was standing next to Original Cindy.  
  
"Original, this is my sister Jondy. Jondy this is Original Cindy. Jondy's just come into town for a while O.C. Is it ok if she crashes at our place?"  
  
"That's fine boo."  
  
"Kool. Hey Jondy, you want to..."  
  
"Max. You better see this!" cried Jondy, pointing at the television.  
  
A reporter had appeared on the screen, talking.  
  
"We interrupt this program to bring you news of a fatal air accident in the Cascade mountains. The helicopter was en route from Seattle airport and was rumored to be carrying a prisoner wanted on a federal warrant. The cause of the crash is under investigation. There is an unconfirmed report of gunfire at the scene of the crash but police say no survivors were found on the doomed aircraft."  
  
Max watched as the television went back to the normal program. She went over to her bike and hoped on.  
  
"Max! Wait a minute!" yelled Jondy.  
  
"I have to go think."  
  
"I know you do baby sister, but I'm coming with you. There's no way you're going to the Space Needle by yourself. I won't let you."  
  
"Then hurry up Jondy."  
  
The two girls revved their bikes and rode out the door. This time, they rode straight to the Space Needle, hid their bikes and climbed to the top. When they got there, they sat down and just stared out over Seattle for a while, before Max started to speak.  
  
"I knew it. He always said he'd rather die than go back to Manticore. I guess he did what he said he would. He died. And I was the one who made him do it."  
  
Max began crying again, and Jondy put her arms around Max, tears streaming down her face as well. A minute later, Max pulled away from Jondy.  
  
"Will you let me do it now?"  
  
"No. I will never let you. I don't care what happens, you will never kill yourself as long as I'm alive."  
  
"But I'm a curse. I kill anyone who gets close to me."  
  
"But I'm not dead yet."  
  
"If you stay too long you will be though."  
  
"I don't believe that Maxie. And neither should you."  
  
"But I do."  
  
"Well I can't help that. So stop worrying about please?"  
  
"Just for you Jon."  
  
The two of them sat there, not talking, watching as the people of Seattle went home to families, or slept in alleys. They watched as the moon rose over the buildings and began its journey over the night sky. After they had been sitting there for many hours, Jondy finally spoke up again.  
  
"What are you going to do now, baby sister?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Are you going to stay in Seattle, or will you leave? You could always come somewhere with me."  
  
"I don't know Jondy. I don't think I could bear to leave Seattle, even after all of this."  
  
"Well, I'll stay with you for as long as you like, you know that don't you Maxie?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"One day, you'll begin to live again sister. You'll find another man."  
  
"No. I don't think I will. I loved Zack, and now he's gone. Xin ru si hui sister, a heart reduced to ashes."  
  
A male voice called out from the shadows behind them, "But out of the ashes of old a phoenix is reborn, baby sister."  
  
"Zack!" Max cried as she jumped up and ran to him. She threw her arms around him, as he lifted her of her feet.  
  
"I love you Zack," she whispered.  
  
"I love you too Maxie."  
  
~~  
  
Well then. That's nearly the end. Only one more chapter to go. And you ask 'why one more chapter' or maybe 'why only one more chapter' and I will say to that 'you'll have to wait till I write it.'  
  
Thank you Hanna for being my one and only faithful reviewer. I hope you like this ending. 


	9. on my own

Xin Ru Si Hui (A Heart Reduced To Ashes)  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
What if Max had been in love with Zack as well as Logan during Blah Blah Woof Woof? Who would she have chosen? What would have happened?  
  
Jondy watched as Zack swept Max off her feet, she heard her baby sister whisper to him that she loved him and heard Zack tell Max that he loved her back. She watched as they shared a long passionate kiss, and turned her head, as tears sprung into her eyes once more. Zack hadn't even noticed her. And now he was leading Max down to the streets. Even Max hadn't said goodbye.  
  
And now I'm alone again  
  
No where to turn, no one to go to  
  
Without a home, without a friend  
  
Without a face to say hello to  
  
And now the night is here  
  
And I can make believe he's here  
  
What Max didn't know, could never know, was that Jondy loved Zack too. She loved him, but he hadn't loved her. 'Because he loves Max. And there's nothing that I can do about it. I can't stop them being happy. I don't want to stop them. I couldn't even tell Max that she was not alone, that I loved him too. She'll never know that when I said we were alike, that I wasn't just talking about us having the same bikes, I meant that we both had the same thoughts, and loved the same man. Talk about sibling rivalry.'  
  
Sometimes I walk alone at night when every body else is sleeping  
  
I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping  
  
The city goes to bed  
  
And I can live inside my head  
  
'I wish I knew what it was that makes me so attracted to Zack. I wish I knew why I can't let him go. There are so many questions that I have that I need answered. And there's no one that I can go to to ask. Because none of them understand me as well as Maxie, or even Zack, did. And I can't go to them. No. I can't ever tell them anything about what I feel. They can't know. It would ruin them.'  
  
On my own  
  
Pretending he's beside me  
  
All alone I walk with him till morning  
  
Without him I feel his arms around me  
  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
  
And he has found me  
  
Jondy pulled out the mobile phone that she kept with her at all times. She rang the number that she knew off by heart. It ran three times, before Zack's voice cut in.  
  
"Hey Zack, I fixed the problem, and I'm leaving now. You won't be able to come looking for me either. I don't want you to. You won't have to. I need you to tell Maxie something for me, ok big brother? I need you to tell her that I love her so much and I am so sorry that I have to leave so soon after finding her again."  
  
In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
  
All the lights are misty in the river  
  
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight  
  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever  
  
"I need you to tell her that I'm sorry for not finding her sooner. And you have to look after her for me. You have to protect her from everything, because you're the CO and you're in love with our baby sister. You have to tell her where the others are, all of them. Blue Lady knows that she will need to find as many of her brothers and sisters as possible."  
  
And I know it's only in my mind  
  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
  
And although I know that he is blind  
  
Still I say there's a way for us  
  
"You have to let her see as many of the others as possible. You have to get her away from here, because she has too many bad memories of this place. And you have to stay with her forever and ever. Promise me that, Zack, promise. She loves you, and I know you love her. And if you ever let go of each other, then you're lives will be awful until you hook up again. I love you Zack, and I love you too Maxie. And if you're the one who is listening to this Maxie, then hear this: I know how you felt, and I know what was going through your head. I love you baby sister. Good-bye."  
  
I love him  
  
But when the night is over  
  
He is gone, the river's just a river  
  
Without him the world around me changes  
  
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers  
  
With those last words Jondy hung up the phone and placed it back in her pocket. She stood up and looked at the pale moon hanging above her head and sighed.  
  
Under her breath, Jondy murmured, "While the weight of the curtain closing crushes your heart, the inertia of loneliness tears you apart."  
  
It was the perfect quote for what she felt now. So with one last look at the moon, she walked to the edge and threw herself off.  
  
I love him  
  
But everyday I'm learning  
  
All my life I've only been pretending  
  
Without me his world will go on turning  
  
A world that's full of happiness that I have  
  
Never known  
  
I love him, I love him  
  
I love him, but only on my own  
  
--Les Miserables  
  
~~  
  
THE END 


End file.
